Wednesday, February 01, 2006

"Christie I Know Why You're Soooooo Fucked Up..!"

Everyone in my family will, freely, admit we're a little nuts. Some more than others...but all are to some degree..nuts.

Now, that being said, most of my illuminating conversations with my mom happen before 7AM (my time...5AM Long Beach time.) She tries her hardest to remember the no calling before 7AM rule. That took years to be fully enforced. If it's a weekend I usually get a reprieve until 8.

Let me give you a little back brief (my term for in a nutshell.) My oldest has had so many kidney surgeries and continually has issues because of infections. My middle princess and I both just got over pnemonia...The boy is just the boy...and now I'm faced another move and self reflection. Those growths on my ovary were not cysts they were solid. All of that hit right after the new year. Soooooo...yes a handful.

Recovering and on day 3 of the Zithromax, my mom called and informed me why my life is so FUCKED up....Yes...."Fucked UP." She is a younger mom and i'm the oldest. She's nuts.

Me..Wow 6:59...you're getting better.

Mom...Christie, I know why you're life is so fucked up.

Me...Well...hi mom. I didn't realize I was so fucked up. Thank God I have coffee dripping.

Mom..Well that's the reason your fucking up your life.

Me...Hmmmm....coffee?

Mom...When you got married you promised God that you'd raise your children Catholic and you're not. That church your going to isn't Catholic and it's the only way to heaven. Now that the Pope might be getting rid of Purgatory...you need to get those kids fixed. (I do go to a Catholic Church..but there are no cadles and my mom doesn't get it...)

Me...Really...

Mom...You promised and you need to fix this.

Me...Well is that why you're so fucked up...because you Converted to being Jewish (and back again) and married Dad...and now have two catholic daughters and one jewish daughter (one sister decided she wants to be jewish.) .....Hmmmm???

Mom...Ok I'm saying a Novena...my prayers are always answered. You need to go to confession.

Me....What are you on?

Mom...Promise me in 30 days you'll have them in all the right classes.

Me...Hellllooooo...the kids are fine...happy...healthy...and all things being said, they'll go to heaven, but I'm not God.

Mom...I'm right just admit it? I'm always right...

Me...Anything else? You have 2 minutes....

Mom...Now that everyone is out of the house did you know that Daddy can walk around in a towel or naked any time he wants tooo?????

And that my friends is my life. My mom is a kook...I'm fucked up (but know i'm not).....and the thought of my parents walking around naked just because....YUCK!!!!! All of that was before my coffee......

And how was your day?
xoxo
C

16 comments:

mommyov5 said...

wow what a way to start the morning! I think I would not answer the phone

Darlene said...

Sorry you had to start your day like that--I'm sure by now you have learned to pretty much ignore it. But I know it still hurts your heart.

Be sure to check that Caller ID before you answer next time!

Sending peace and happiness vibes your way.

ThoughtsGalore said...

What would we do without Caller ID?

I'm feeling good...and yes ignore it. I've become good at that. :)

Cat said...

OMG! what a wake up! Glad you guys got that all straight now. LOL

LOL and yeah, thanks for the images of naked parents walking around. I needed that!

Take care girl! We know your not fucked up!

ThoughtsGalore said...

For the record...It is soooo wrong to talk about your nakedness with your adult children! The visual is just soooooo not needed.

Liza said...

I've had similar conversations with my mom & sister both maaaany times. Not fun!! I'm glad you had your coffee already going!! And no worries, I don't think you're that fucked up. Maybe just a little cuz everyone's a little fucked up in some way, but you're not anymore fucked up than the next person. I just said Fucked Up like 5 times. hehe, yay me.

Melanie said...

Just to let you know..mom had this same conversation with me 3 weeks ago. She told me that I better raise my child with a religion or something bad would happen to me.
Erin by the way doesn't believe in organized religion. And me, Sorry I don't believe in Jesus, just not my thing.

ThoughtsGalore said...

Mel hunny...now worries. I love you! LOL...it's a wonder we're not more fucked up..lol.
xoxo
C

bart said...

christie.. each and every one of us is a kook, up to and including the sex thing which tends to screw up more than people intended...

your mom... OK... just learn to live without that because it's her life, not yours despite all efforts to convince her to the contrary...

patience is a virtue, we need to live and learn, accepting the rotten stuff along with the good things...

keep yourself well... please...

bart ;-)
(here, now and for quite a long while ;-) )

[Mat] said...

that just...

sucks.

No offense.

LizzieDaisy said...

Awww, poor Christie! Before your coffee? That is totally unfair. Sigh. Where would we be without our parents? Ah yes, not here. :) Then again, sometimes they can drive us nuts. I just love when my mom talks to the grocery clerk about how I have diarrhea or my dad says how proud he is of me for having overcome my "illnesses" (we don't need to discuss that do we... especially in light of the phonecall). Arghhh! So anyway, I must say I laughed cause dang, I think you'd have to or just go nuts being pissed off. My best friend in town, her mom is bipolar and schiz. (won't attempt spelling that one) so I hear this a lot. She has to have a good sense of humor about it and take everything she says with a grain of salt, knowing WHERE it's coming from. You know, love her mom cause she's her mother but separate the illness and words from her. She knows she loves her back, it's just the illness talking to her sometimes.

Anyway, you know what I'm saying. Your mom wouldn't call and bug the crap out of you if she didn't love you so much. Isn't that comforting?

Hugs... hang in there. :)

ps Remind me to tell you what I got from my dad next time we talk. It's make you feel better.

Dottie said...

UGH, what a way to start the day.
I would suggest Caller ID screening before 7 or turning off the ringer. No one likes to talk to me before 7 :)
Parents....I believe that any part of us that is "fucked up" is because of them anyway!

My MIL is a devout Catholic and I am protestant. DH has "Crossed over" to my side and MIL used to really give us a hard time. I told her to be responsible for her salvation and I'll be responsible for mine and my children's until they can assume the responsibility on their own. No more troubles, just had to draw my line in the sand. Get your stick and draw your line! :)

HUGS to you!

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