Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Need A Heart For Your Sleeve...I have enough for everyone!

Yes, I'm the emotional feeling one in the group. I don't get neurotic about it, but yes..I wear my heart on my sleeve and we all know that by now.

Isn't it funny what one picture can do? For me It brings me right back to the moment. I remember it all...feelings...what we were talking about...what happened after. It's what I do.

Ok...that being said, I need to knock this shit off. It does me know good. I don't need a stupid picture to make me relive the last 5-10 years. Ugh. It's heartwrenching. I know I should be happy, content...and I am happy. The other part of it is just that when I love. Whether it's a romantic love...or a friendship. I give myself. It's not an overwhelming thing...it's just that I care. So after loving and giving, when it's over...I do miss.

Aaahhhh...If you're thinking to yourself...wtf?...sorry.

This is the only place I can express this. When Dr. Calm here's me he makes me come up with the reasons why...and it's just quite a bit of work. So here I can dump and it's ok. This is my space.

Just a few thoughts now...if I let it out then maybe I'll feel better....

Turmoil is abound right now. Inner turmoil, I guess. It's funny..I can fake happy like I can fake an O. Let's just say...that's pretty fucking good.

I hate an ugly mean drunk. I can't deal with it. I grew up with it and now I seem to have it in my world and it breaks my heart. When it's around me I feel alone and isolated from the world. It changes a person. The next day...I fake happy. :( (and no it's not me.) I know because of alcoholism my life has forever been changed. It's been part of my formative years and adult years. I don't blame anything on it...I make my life what it is...but it still has affected my world.

So he's not deploying to Iraq, but we're moving. Maybe this is why I hold on to my dear friends and you guys are wonderful. I know when I leave I'll still have this and you...(if this post doesn't scare you away.) It's tough...and it sucks. I have no idea where we have to move, but I do know that this house will be up for sale this summer. Ugh. I hate moving.

I'm not really as tortured as I might seem..lol. I'm just a feeler. I feel what's going on in my life. I guess it's better than living in denial...

Oh and let me just say...It's almost February! Don't tell me we need to start getting bathing suit ready again?! UGh...lol. To be a woman. :)

Ok...my venting is over. No feeling sorry aloud. I just needed to get it out. I kind of feel better already...


Melanie said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Peanutt said...

I hope you feel better after getting it out! I myself know how you feel when you say you can fake the happiness. I do this at my house as things aren't going so great there at the moment! Maybe when you move you'll move closer here so we can have those nights of watching sad movies and crying!!! Yes, this is something all girls need at times. Or just a friend to listen to what you have to say and give you a hug and say things will be okay. ***big hug***

Melanie said...

I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!
I know exactly what you're talking about, because I'm the same way. Heart on sleave is inevitable for me. Duh! maybe because we're sisters. Sorry to tell you Christie I think we are more alike than you may think. Oh and remember you're blogging babes and sisters are all here for ya. Life definately has it's ups and down. And we are all here for each other during those times don't you forget it.

Love ya,

HeHe! Love ya,

ThoughtsGalore said...

Sad movies and crying! LOL...That is so true! That might really be all I need right now.

Mel...I love you hunny. I know we're alike...we're sisters babe. I miss you and wish I were there to help you today.

Dottie said...

I'm sorry you are sad, I hope you are feeling better now. I'm definately a heart on my sleeve kind of gal. I can be slayed in a heartbeat by someone's thoughtless comment or action.

I'm sorry you are having to move. HUGS sweetie! I'm thinking of you!

[Mat] said...

Moving sucks.

Wish you the best.

Cheer up! Give me a smile. Even a corner smile?


The Kept Woman said...

Bathing suit weather...blah...reminds me that I look like the Pillsbury Dough Girl and my daughter drew all over my thighs with a blue ballpoint pen.

(not feeling sorry outloud, but hope you're feeling better!)

ThoughtsGalore said...

D Thanks sweetie...

Mat...I'm giving you two corners..:)

MD...Come over here right this instant for a slap on your ass...you're sooo far from pillsbury dough girl.! LOL..

dakotablueeyes said...

Not going to feel sorry for you per your instructions lol Glad getting it out made you feel somewhat better. It always helps me too to vent and blog

LizzieDaisy said...

Well, I was pretty out of it yesterday and today is worse, but I do hope that you feel better. I can be quite a faker too sometimes... I do so hate having the hub ask me what's wrong every 15 damn minutes. NOTHING, GO AWAY!!! LOL.

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