Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Bitch and Vent

Read at your own risk. I just need a vent!

I'm feeling like a failure these days. Ok, not a total failure, but like I just can't get it going these days.

Why?

It's easy to say put ourselves as a priority. How? Sometimes when I have an extra half hour I'd like to just stay quiet or enjoy quiet, rather than go out for coffee with a friend. Do you feel like that?

I had a great idea of making slip covers. How come I can't do it? Fabric is great. Beautiful, actually. I just can't get them to look right. So after hours and days of sewing I feel like I accomplished ZILCH.

Then I'm stuck with the feeling of...Wow...am I just capable of slip cover making. What else? I'm being really being self-indulgent right now, I know. It's not PMS. Hmmm. I'm raising my kids. I'm doing well at that, but I'm just thinking about me right now. Me. I soooo don't know who I am right now. My mistakes haunt me sometimes. I try to let them go, but why did it take me until 30 to get the wisdom and insight soooo needed in my twenties? Another major source of reflection for me. Ahhhh well...screw it.

One thing is...It's just that I miss that friend of mine. I love you friend. I wish you were here. I need your voice.

Ok I'm done. Tears are wiped away. I'm done. LOL. Whew.

We're off to the beach. Let's see if I can get the sunscream all over the kids this time, without leaving a strip of skin bare. LOL. Yep...been there done that and it left one with a nice little red stripe. Bad Mommy!
xoxo
Christie

7 comments:

Jen R. said...

There are LOTS of times when I just want the quiet of doing nothing by myself, and of not meeting the friend for dinner or even talking on the phone...you are not alone there. Take that time without beating yourself up for it. It will keep you centered and sane.

And getting your life together by 30 is something to be proud of, not regret. I'm 32 and most of my friends (all with lots of education) still have no clue where their lives are headed and don't even seem like they are in the driver's seat...so congratulate yourself. :)

ThoughtsGalore said...

Thanks Jen. What I really meant was that I finally wasn't so critical of myself, my family was together, I was married, oh and I wasn't "depressed" all the time (postpartum was horrible)....I was generally in a great spot by then. Wow..LOL. What a horrible sentence. By 30 I had already gone and worked in a fabulous career of my choice for years and chose to stop and stay home with my two oldest. No sense in looking back. It was just a few decisions along the way that needed a little of the 30ish wisdom running through me now. LOL. Know what I mean? Aaaah Wisdom.

ThoughtsGalore said...

Jen..keep coming back i love your posts! You're sweet and thank you I am going to not feel guilty about the much needed quiet time.
xoxo
C

Choppzs said...

I am usually wishing I could just get a moment to myself sometimes. I am starting to get depressed just because I have no interaction with adults. Good luck!

Jewl said...

We all have days/times like that. I hope you are feeling more like yourself soon chick.
Remember, not be able to sew seat cover is not the end of the world either!! They have these places called stores where you can actually buy them... ;) Just trying to make you smile!!

ThoughtsGalore said...

Mmmmm Jewel you totally made me smile!

Choppzs..You need a break in the heatwave and it will be easier for you. I know that's killing me right now.

Woohoo...Good Luck to us!
xoxo
c

Dottie said...

Oh sweetie, I think that we all get that feeling every now and then. You know, I think in many ways I am thankful for that lack of insight and wisdom, I wouldn't have learned those life lessons that while some may have been painful have helped mold me into the person I am today. That 20 year old couldn't look in the mirror and be confindent in what she saw, don't you love now that you can!?! Don't define yourself by slipcovers sweetie, if I defined myself by those flippin flower beds in front of my house that need to be done, I would so be screwed! LOL :) Repeat after me: "I (Christie) am FABULOUs!"