Need A Heart For Your Sleeve...I have enough for everyone!

Yes, I'm the emotional feeling one in the group. I don't get neurotic about it, but yes..I wear my heart on my sleeve and we all know that by now.

Isn't it funny what one picture can do? For me It brings me right back to the moment. I remember it all...feelings...what we were talking about...what happened after. It's what I do.

Ok...that being said, I need to knock this shit off. It does me know good. I don't need a stupid picture to make me relive the last 5-10 years. Ugh. It's heartwrenching. I know I should be happy, content...and I am happy. The other part of it is just that when I love. Whether it's a romantic love...or a friendship. I give myself. It's not an overwhelming thing...it's just that I care. So after loving and giving, when it's over...I do miss.

Aaahhhh...If you're thinking to yourself...wtf?...sorry.

This is the only place I can express this. When Dr. Calm here's me he makes me come up with the reasons why...and it's just quite a bit of work. So here I can dump and it's ok. This is my space.

Just a few thoughts now...if I let it out then maybe I'll feel better....

Turmoil is abound right now. Inner turmoil, I guess. It's funny..I can fake happy like I can fake an O. Let's just say...that's pretty fucking good.

I hate an ugly mean drunk. I can't deal with it. I grew up with it and now I seem to have it in my world and it breaks my heart. When it's around me I feel alone and isolated from the world. It changes a person. The next day...I fake happy. :( (and no it's not me.) I know because of alcoholism my life has forever been changed. It's been part of my formative years and adult years. I don't blame anything on it...I make my life what it is...but it still has affected my world.

So he's not deploying to Iraq, but we're moving. Maybe this is why I hold on to my dear friends and you guys are wonderful. I know when I leave I'll still have this and you...(if this post doesn't scare you away.) It's tough...and it sucks. I have no idea where we have to move, but I do know that this house will be up for sale this summer. Ugh. I hate moving.

I'm not really as tortured as I might seem..lol. I'm just a feeler. I feel what's going on in my life. I guess it's better than living in denial...

Oh and let me just say...It's almost February! Don't tell me we need to start getting bathing suit ready again?! UGh...lol. To be a woman. :)

Ok...my venting is over. No feeling sorry aloud. I just needed to get it out. I kind of feel better already...
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