Passion

"By believing passionately in something that still does not exist, we create it. The nonexistent is whatever we have not sufficiently desired." - Franz Kafka

Yellow to the rescue....

My self talk is coming today. I talked to Tom today and the words were flying. Hey may not understand the fuzzy brain stuff, but he finally heard it. He had to keep refocusing the conversation. It was exciting and at the same time I was talking to myself. A dual thing was going. The conversation with him and the conversation with me. I wanted him to see I was feeling better, but at the same time....the Chatty Christie was making him realize how not ok I really was. If I were crying and sad he would understand immediately. It's the quick words, impulsive thoughts...going from the budget to who I'm voting for.

And life goes on.

That talk was so exhausting that I needed to rest. Could one converstion do it to me? I guess so. I was flying and when I was done, I just slept for an hour. I never was the "napper" type, but now with the kids in school I feel the neecd to catch up. I guess the whole 3 hours of sleep last night didn't help. :)

Stickie of the moment...

Pieces of my soul are feeling at ease and tranquil. I almost forgot the feeling of tranquility. My pain is subsiding and it feels really good.

My coffee is good, Sammy is dressed, lunches are made...and I 'm having a great hair day. Yoga is sounding really good today. It's sunny, it's beautiful, and I'm loving me today.

xoxo
C

The brain is working today! Totally not fuzzy!

I'm feeling pink today!
Woooo hooooooo!!!!! I'm normal today. I feel it. I know it. Either that, or the manic side is getting ready to creep up on me. After only 4 hours of sleep, I have woken up feeling better than I have in a week. Princess Kelsey is up figuring out what she "doesn't" like for breakfast. Princess Ava is drawing pictures for her daddy and Sammy is snuggled on the couch. The coffee is dripping and yes I have creamer this morning. No need for milk. Anyone who didn't get the "creamer is way better than milk" comment, must understand something. I love my coffee in the morning and without the creamer...it's just a good thing. :)

So here is to a good rest of the day with the fuzzy part not coming back. Hour to hour....
PS...I bet she calls in 5 minutes. She might be back to following the 7AM rule. No calling Christie before 7!

Yellow Stickies of today....

"Coping isn't healing..." Jane Pauley

Command Central is looking a little yellow today.

Reeses ran away
I forgot to do laundry
Leftover waffles were not wanted...so PB&J s in a Hot Dog Bun.!
Coffee creamer is waaaay better than milk!

Mommy Mommy...remember when I was a dog and peed outside like a dog? Look I'm a dog again. (Thanks Sammy boy)!!!!

You...

You give me love. You give me hope. You encourage me and see the me I wish I could. Your words soothe my soul and give me hope on hopeless days. Where would I be without those eyes seeing into my soul. You have my heart, my soul and the love is a given.

I thought I was lost and you lifted me up. You listened, heard me...and loved me.

Loving always...Kisses Sweet
I can smell the fresh peace out there
You've set my heart free
My soul thanks you
I'll just take it in and hold you always
right there...
I love you...

My Friends...

Friends are the spice of life. I thought I was suffering a breakdown today. After Reeses took off I was done. I was empty, lost, and on the verge of tears. I did get Sammy boy to school and his friends just love him. Once I dropped him off the tears just started to flow. Kristen hugged me and made it ok for me to just let it go. The down was coming...

There was so much there. It was hard to get gas, figure out the shopping, and getting dressed was just not in the cards. Sweats, no makeup, and some sunglasses. If you knew the girly girl that I am, you'd know my point. Here's the thing...life is made up of good friends. That hug just made things ok. The tears were the turning point. Without friends where would we be.

Friendship is a blessing and work. Heidi came into my life and I can't imagine life without her. Lori is my personal angel who nursed me, nourished my soul and indulges my calls about nothing. These women are my friends. My best friends. Without them...I'd be missing out. They give love freely. They are unique.

Heidi is the pain in the ass, wonderful, beautiful, and most loyal friend a girl could ever want. I love her. She accepts me and helps feed my soul. She's my soul sister. How have I gotten this far without her. Lori, saved me when I was broken years ago. She took me in and got me through the days when I couldn't function, waiting for my husband to come home from work. (That damn lithium and melaril just made me lose time in my life.) She saved my life.

Friends. I love my friends and cherish them. It's work...but soooo worth it.
xoxo,
Christie

He's just not that into you....

Where was this guy when I was in college..... "He's just not that into you!" Jeez...I don't think it gets more clear than that!

He's just not that into you!!!!!!!!!

Pass it on....

The dog has earned his new name...

He is officially from now, until the end of time going to be known as "The Damn Dog." The kids were dressed, the coffee was waiting for me, the Excedrin Migraine was just about there, fuzzy brain meds...not even taken yet, and what happens....The Damn Dog takes off. The girls caught the bus. Then Sammy and the Mommy were off on the dog hunt! UGH! I love him...but jeez! Soooooo not what I needed. Just when I thought the fog was lifting....the dog just ran all over my morning. Gotta love him....:)

Southern Bush and Kerry Lovers

First story of the news tonight wasn't about the happenings of the city, not about the children taken from the parents who chained them to beds...oh no...In Nashville it's all about the Bush and Kerry signs!

I had no one to call to talk about the news! It was actually a breaking news story about Bush and Kerry signs missing from yards all around neighborhoods.

Speaking of neighborhood signs that designate conservative or liberal, I had an idea. I was thinking that maybe I should just rile up the neighbors. I should put both a Kerry and Bush sign up. One could say Wife of Deployed Marine above the Kerry sign and Then Marine for Bush. Maybe not, because I'm already known as the woman with the runaway dog and then I'd be labled the So Cal liberal they laways knew I was. Hunny, we're in Bible Belt. It's Bush country..lol!

My friends have no idea what it's like on the west coast. One trip to the beach with the sand in their toes, Rubios fish tacos, and a drive up the coast.....and they would never want to come back. I miss home.

Come on over to my house....No post its today

The brain has been a little fuzzy these days. Not fuzzy in the dull scheme of things, but very all over the place. Hubby is returning from the war and kids are being kids. The dog is doing the greatest job of getting his name changed from Reeses to "The Damn Dog", but that's what I get for that manic moment of a few years ago. My mother called this morning from So Cal and woke me up in TN at 5:55. That's right...3:55 her time. That's what we do in our family. Those of us with the uncooperative brain, we wake up early. She starts talking, or course. After a few minutes of her speedy words banging off my ear she wants to know why I'm not talking. LOL. Well, that's how the day started. Later she calls to tell me how worried she is about me and if I just didn't talk to the hubby for a few days, meaning no email answering, then he'd be butter in my hands. We didn't name her manipulove years ago for nothing. She goes on about how she's so worried I have made her sick. I told her a a nice 2 week vacation is what I need and the hubby can get a first hand look at my world. Yosemite sounds wonderful to me...peaceful. She's not at all thrilled with that. She wants me to go to her house....lol. Chaos heaven baby. Ugh, I told her I needed my own escape and escape was Yosemite. She totally didn't get it and told me it's ok, but that's the wrong place to go. It was ok, because according to my lovely mother...my brain was really working, otherwise I would have never chosen Yosemite. Her brilliant idea was why not the pocconos..LOL! We're Californians! The fucking Pocconos! We were flying together, we do share that and she loves me. Gotta love her. The Pocconos! All of that was before 7AM!

Forgotten Faces of the War

My children are the forgotten faces of the war on terror. They miss him. They don't get it. When he gets home, I know they'll be scared he's going to leave again. Regardless of whether one is pro or anti this war...many of our guys are married with kids. This is the whole aspect that seems to have been forgotten. That's the part that gets me going. It's heartbreaking. SO many thoughts...not too many answers.

Stickies and more stickies..

My yellow stickies seem to be taking on a life of their own. That book I've been wanting to write and never figuring out how to, well...I might be on to something.

Masking my feelings...How is it that I'm told by others how outgoing, perky, chatty and wonderful I am, when I'm feeling exactly opposite of that. It's the cycling baby. That's what my brain is thinking as I listen to the gooshing.

Another day...and more post it notes

The yellow stickies are stacking up. The hubby in Iraq is getting ready to get home and the brain is definatley not wanting to deal with this. I have missed him, the kids have missed him, but what a coincidence that my downward spiral happen before his arrival. Two years have gone by. He's been home for 5 months in between. In two months I have lost it. What is this about. Ugh. Just the thoughts are flowing today and I'm typing with my eyes closed to figure out what my fingers know that I may be hiding. That's right...the fingers know the truth. Hmmmm. Interesting thought....

Note for everything...

What do you want to be when you grow up? I never imagined I'd be a Wife of a USMC Major in Iraq, Mother of three, and Woman who's brain just wouldn't cooperate most of the time. As I sit in "Command Central",surrounded by my books of the moment, my yellow post it notes are there with me. A pen is never to far reach. My diet coke, CNN, phone and cell phone are there to make up the end table. Thoughts race so I read and write to catch up and make sense of my world or my reality. Those yellow note have the thoughts as they flow. What an awesome read when the flow has slowed to a little trickle. A trickle I can handle.