Stir Crazy...

Well, the kids are going a little stir crazy. So is the husband. Mix the kids and the hubby crazy what does that equal...you've got it...one edgy woman. Ugh. Can't they just all get along. lol Isn't that the old phrase from our past. I guess the thing is I could use a little TLC. I give all the loving all the taking care of, all the kisses, all the multitasking, and I need a little snuggling and little TLC. Ok, that a nice Starbucks latte right about now to keep the eyes open. Happy New Year's friends. XOXO, C

When is too early to make the coffee!

It's 4:30 and I'm up! When is too early to make the coffee. Will I be able to sleep for another 2 hours? Am I up for good. Am I just feel a little fuzzy today? Should I just make the damn coffee...lol?! Ugh..lol! Ok I'll stick with the tea until 6:30, then I'll make the coffee. With problems like mine we should all be so lucky...I know I know...xoxo C

Happy Happy New Year...

Happy New Year!!!! Can We believe it's 2005 tomorrow. I wish everyone a safe and happy night tonight a wonderful New Year! I'll have more to say as the day goes on, but for now Cheers!

Oh yeah baby...oh yeah!

I slept! Thank God for Nyquil! I slept for pretty much the whole night. I'm feeling sooo much better.

When did I become such a Mommy. LOL. I was watching Good Morning America yesterday morning and the topic was New Year's Eve Glam! Let me share my journal entry with you. "I soooo see my life full of Holiday 101 Glam right now." That's not saying that I'm boring, but Holiday Glam...lolWoW. LOL. Hmmm.....

Yes, I know, I'm not in the Tsunami and I have a great life....just a fun thought for the day.
XOXO
C

Just a little sleep...

Ok....A little sleep is all I ask for tonight. I am hoping that the nyquil wil kick my ass into submission and I will be flat on my back in minutes. I am so tired that I need sleep! This cough thing is starting to really become soooooo not what I need at 2 in the morning. My 5 year old hear's me and she runs to get me a glass of water and then we're both up. Cute...but not what we both need. Soooooooo, Fingers are crossed. Colorado is nice, but I miss my house and routine. The 5th is a long way off. Wow, what was I thinking with a 2 week vacation! LOL. :) Ok, well Happy New Year everyone...and maybe with some sleep I'll be my perky self tomorrow!
xoxo
C

Merry Christmas!

What a wonderful day it's been. My kids have been amazing. The mommy has been up since 3:30AM with the damn cough going. It's not even a cough...it's the damn tickle thing. However, once the kids got up...I just forgot I was sleep deprived. Spiderboy was all over his Web Glove hand thingy. Ava loved her baby and mini pack and play. Kelsey loved her Sims and music stuff. Soooooooo all in all Santa did well.

I cooked a kick ass Prime Rib dinner. The ooohs and aaaaahs made my night. I have the cooking down. Martha watch out. LOL. Tom was a little grumpy, but he's mellowing out finally.

Night night....and Merry Christmas to all....
Christie

White Christmas.....Very very very white....

Well, for a California girl...This is very White! It's snowing as I type. It's gorgeous. Snow...lol. Way to f-ing cold! One needs a whole need wardrobe for snow and to be a good looking snowbunny.

XOXO
C

Baby it's REALLY cold outside!

I thought Nashville was cold, well Denver is freezing! We flew here this morning at 6AM. That's right, we got the kids out of bed at 3:45 and into the car by 4:14 AM. We were on our A game this morning. The kids are tucked into bed and I'm getting ready to sip some tea. Oh yeah..I did have a few Ouzo shots to take the edge off..lol. Merry Christmas friends...until next time.
XOXO...
C

Last minute Christmas stuff...

Who else has last minute stuff to do?!!!!!! I have last minute shopping, packing, and kids home from school as I get it all together! Woohoo for me. :) My hubby even suggested I go to get the dog toys at PetsMart (because we're boarding him while we're away on vacation.) He then thought it would be "fun" to bring Reeses along! LOL...yeah really fun.

So, can you guess if the dog is coming to the dog store to buy him toys? Yeah that's right the answer is ahhhh no. :)

I need all this done by 6, because i'm going to see Spanglish tonight! I need a good chickflick with my friend!

XOXO
C

The list...

Just passing on the fun of "The List"...

Three names you go by:

1. Mommy
2. Christie
3. Xty

Thee screen names you have:

1. ThoughtsGalore
   
2. Calliecuti (aol)
   
3. ChristieL70 (yahoo)
   
   

Three things you like about yourself:

1. Sense of humor
   
2. Loving
   
3. Great hair!
   
   

Three things you hate/dislike about yourself:

1. I hate my insecurities
2. My doubts
3. Always being 5 minutes late!
   

Three parts of your heritage:

1. Irish
2. Italian
3. Redneck north carolina from the biological father (totally don't mention it....lol)

Three everyday essentials:

1. Love and kisses from the hubby and kids.
2. Coffee and coffee
3. My vitamin Z...lol!

Three things you are wearing right now:

1. Velour Red soft V neck sweatshirt
2. Matching pants...totally comfy
3. That's it....and a cute smile! LOL

Three favorite Bands/Artists (at the moment)

1. Goo Goo Dolls (love them...everything)
   
2. Dinana Anaid (Love Her...check her out..you'll love her!)
3. Anna Nalick (New and awesome) Girly reflective mode
   

Three favorite songs at the present:

1. Baby it's cold outside. From Elf.
2. Breathe . Anna Nalick
3. Diana Anaid. Last Thing.
   

Three things I'd like to try in the next 12 months:

1. Doing a half marathon
2. Loving on my own terms
3. Hiking
   

Three things you want in a relationship (love is a giving):

1. Naked truth
   
2. Intimacy beyond bounds
3. Feel what I'm missing
   

Two truths and a lie:

1. I can fix almost anything in the house very handy.
2. I'm a total girly girl....high maintenace chick kind of woman.
3. My husband is soooooo handy...:)
   

Three physical things about the opposite sex that are appealing:

1. Face
2. Arms
3. Ass
   

Three things you can't do:

1. I suck at math
2. I can't reach the highest shelves in the cabinets
3. I can't be mean to people on purpose.
   

Three favorite hobbies:

1. Yoga
2. Writing
3. Reading
   

Three careers you're considering:

1. My business...get it fourishing-specialty gifts
2. Writer
3. Realtor
   

Three kids' names, either boy or girl:

1. Kelsey
2. Ava
3. Sam - my three little ones

Three things I want to do before I die:

1. Really live and love
2. Write a wonderful book
3. Watch my kids live amazing lives...
   How fun to write it all out!

XOXO C

Baby it's cold outside...

We've been watching Elf here this weekend. I love the "Baby it's cold outside" with Will and Zooey. Mmmm Love it! I love the song, but they're so sweet! It's the song on the brain!

And Baby....it's cold outside. :)

XOXO
C

Aaaaahhhhhhh....

Just Breath......

What a concept.....

XOXO....
C

Fa la la la la la la la la....

The Christmas cards are out! Pictures are in there! Whew! I feel good. My sweet youngest angel woke me up at 4am-ish so I just got out of bed and finished them up.

I think the Christmas spirit has entered my body! LOL.

Christie...Stay away from Target! lol...

XOXO...C

Sex and the PDA

Now that the hubby is back from IRAQ I have noticed a few things. He still bugs me with leaving the toilet seat up (something I had my 4 year old trained to put down, but now that's shot to hell.) He also does keep track of the sex on his PDA. So, ladies...we had this topic up once before. My huband can tell you time and place by looking at his PDA of our sex life..LOL! Is it the engineer brain...or just a control thing. YUCK!

Just thought I'd pass it on. He gave me his old one and I thought....what can I keep track of on it that would piss him off about....lol. Hmmmm.....:)
XOXO

thoughts of the night

• i love my tivo
  
• i watch general hospital every single night when the kids go to bed
  
• i change ring tones on my phone at least once a day
  
• i'm a screaming liberal
  
• i'm naughty underneath it all
  
• i love slim jims
  
• blackstone merlot is my favorite
  
• of course desperate housewives tivo'd watched monday morning with a cup of coffee
  
• i haven't done any of my christmas shopping
  
• none of my christmas cards are out
  
• !!!!!!!!!!
  
• i'm craving a rubio's fish taco
  
• i miss san diego
  
• i miss my house
  
• i miss my sl
  
• i miss my place in the world
  

Giving..

I love to give. Looking outward is a great way to forget your worries. So, here's to looking outward and remembing others. Even if the heart is off kilter, and you're not sure what you're doing...just remember your loved ones and take care of them this season. Give yourself some kindness and love, too....tea, a good book, a funny movie or a nice body massage. Love is the word...and the giving princess is at work..:)
XOXO
C

The music...

Out of the blue Norah came on. At first, I thought I'd hurl. I listened. I sucked it up. Wooohoo....I made it baby! I may be a recovering Superwoman, but I have the power.
So there! I did it! I'm healing and it feels oooooh so good. Baby steps. I can do it! Ladies, we can do it!
XOXO,
C

'Tis the season....

What a year. My beautiful children are so excited about Christmas. We're busy getting the teacher's gifts ready for the parties this week and next. I remember back to when I was their ages. I loved Christmas. I remember the smells of the tree, the anticipation of Santa, and the wonderment of it all. I love helping that come to life for the kids.

xoxo
C

The laughter of kids...lol...

I'm sitting here trying to write and figuring out my thoughts. I make it sound as if I'm having such as cathartic experience. It seems, for a moment, a semi-serious moment. Then from the stairs behind me comes the steps of little feet and the flash light. I hear them. I smile. The ballon come sailing in. "Oooooh, Mommy farted," screamed the kids. THat's right. Just when I'm taking myself too seriously comes a silly blue balloon from the corner, my three cute little ones ready for bed and my son yelling, "Oooooh, you farted."

GOT TO LOVE THEM! I soooo do! Boys and the word Fart..lol! That's a whole other discussion!

I'll smile until I feel it!

Damsel no more!

This picture isn't to advertise me! It's just to say..here I am! I'm smiling until I feel it! Ugh!!!!!!!! I'll start to feel it soon enough!

And I'm finally feeling it!!!!! Wooohoooo!

Happy Monday!

What a wonderful Monday! There isn't even a hint of sarcasm in that. The damsel is gone and I'm feeling pretty damn good today. I wore my little fingers out this weekend with all my writing this weekend!!! Woohoo. I'm soooo back and you know life is great. Writing is soooo cathartic. I'm even working the business! So, as I type I'm sipping some yummy coffee listening to my music and planning my day. Amazon is calling my name. Orders are waiting..lol....!
XOXO C

Flowing fingers today...

I'm not sure if it's the coffee, the fingers or the fast me today. I'm thinking it's a little high mixed in with some flowing fingers. My fingers have ideas I didnt' even know were there! I'm focused, though, and the writing is great. Yesterday, I could have used a dose of this pep. We know how it flows, though. :)

Sipping Coffee and Staying Warm..

It's a rainy chilly morning. The kiddies are all off to school and I'm figuring out the holidays. Kindess and generosity is the order of the day.

Warm and Cozy...

Today I'm feeling warm and cozy. It's a good day. I started thinking too much and then turned the tunes up and the mood changed. Life is good and so am I .

Now, I just have to figure out dinner.
xoxo
C

love..

Working on my writing...Way better to have loved and be left with a pain so unbearable you think that your heart is burn from the pain...than to have just lived without that love.
PS...sugar is my enemy..lol

Hmmm a thought...

I'm taking all this icky energy and grief I heaped on myself and use the energy for good stuff. I pulled out all the Christmas decorations. (a good weekend behind) I have the list of stuff organized for purchasing this week. Here's a great thought...If I can deal with the junk..I can handle the purging of sugar! Woohooo! I'm a woman on a mission. I can do it! I gave up Diet Coke, Sugar is next. XOXO C

Maybe some "SPIRIT HANDS"..?!

Well, my coffee is tasting yummy this morning. I'm sitting here waiting for the Z to kick in, because lord knows I need it. I don't think I've slept in days. Let me clarify. I've slept...but not well. I'm aching inside. I'm hanging in, though, and looking forward to Christmas. I'm trying to figure out how to work through this and the baby steps suck. Besides the smiling, maybe I just need a good dose of "Spirit Hands"!!!!! Ok, I cracked myself up. I really to do miss the laughing.
XOXO C

Saturday to relax...

It's nice to know that relaxing Saturday's are still possible. Thank you friend for our chat this morning. It helped this morning after not sleeping last night. I hope tomorrow is another restful morning. The memories rush when I hold my coffee cup on some mornings but you helped this morning. XOXO C

My fingers are flowing...

The outline popped into my head at about 5AM this morning. I have the index cards on the table and I'm excited about it! I stopped for a while and got my girly girls off to school and then my cutie boy is sick. After a quick trip to the dr it turns out it's an ear infection. So a few numbing drops and anti B later...and he's resting.

I can't wait to get back to the cards! Index cards are soooo less manic than sticky notes. DR C would be so proud! LOL! Of course the cards are pink, though. There must be a sense of style in the writing, because it perks me up. XOXO C

All I can say...

Today, on this chilly day, all I can say is that I'm trying. That's all I can do today. I can't quite dive into a self help book, but I'm not feeling numb today. That's a good thing. :)

And life goes on....
xoxo..C

It's Chilly....

Well I'm chilly! It's one of those cold ones today. I'm getting ready to bring the boy to school and then I have a day to myself! Woohoo! I'm even feeling pretty good today. Pretty good is better than miserable. My coffee isn't even tasting like cinnamon. I'm on a role. Maybe, I'll have better thoughts after I drop him off. I may even be able to type with punctuation on of these days..LOL! That is, if you're reading this and wonder why it's just a throwing up of words. It's the throwing up of my thoughts. The fingers are in charge...not my brain. Peace . XOXO C

Turn the music up!

Ok so this morning I just turned it up and let it go! Wow! How about that ..lol! I'm feeling better. I"m going to write my book. I'm going to figure out what I want. No more drama! No more waiting! I'm 34 and I'm not waisting another day! If my mom doesn't want to be here...I can't help that. I can only pray. When the missing happens and the ache and loser feeling comes over me I need to focus on something else...someone else's pain.

I'm going to turn the music up and smile until I feel it. Ugh...:)! Just remember hunny..he's just not that into you.

My Promise!

I ,Christie Eckelman Little, will no longer take anymore BULLSHIT! I will no longer be a DAMSEL! I will smile until I feel it when the time is needed....and I know life is good! So there! If nothing else, I owe that to me. I promise that to me. :)

Today is pretty good...thank god..
xoxo C

Ugh..

The voice I heard tonight wasn't who I knew. It was cold and angry. Sad and synical. Where's my friend, my love, my hunny? Was it all a dream? I guess it was. After almost 4 years I thought I deserved more. Then I heard her. I heard her voice crack. She had loved for 23. Ugh. Her pain is palpable. I feel it even now. I want to reach out and hug her. My selfishness has to be set aside, so she can move on.

That damn coffee....The tears just flow...I wish this weren't so hard.

I just miss my baby...I love my sl....I want it all back.

This I know...

Time is our friend. This too shall be ok someday. I never knew this kind of pain was ever going to be so raw inside of my heart. I never knew someone I opened my up my soul so freely too and showed my vulnerability too would just carelessly throw me away without a good bye. Someone with compassion said those words to me.

My happiness will come around and my heart will be filled again. I deserve that happiness. I just need to mend what I've helped broken.

It's Karma. I hurt. I've been hurt. What goes up will come down...The pain is raw...but it will ease....the peace will eventually find it's way.
Mmmm...a hug could really go so far right about now...
Hugs and kisses..C

The fingers have a final flow to get out!

Thank god for my sense of humor, my ability to laugh, my brain, my HEALTH, no b&p,....and most important my wonderful beautiful children! I have a beautiful home..the ability to do anything I choose, a thriving mind, and I have loved in my life. I have been loved. I am loved.

I need to remember all of that. Plus...my brain isn't so fuzzy..lol..and Dr.C isn't on speed dial. Things will be ok eventually. I just need to wrap my brain around it. I can do it! I can do it!
Love and kisses...C

Curves and more curves...

I'm working on the curves. I guess they're good? What the hell was I talking about yesterday? My tummy is in knots. The fingers know it all. The secrets, the good, the joy, the pain...the me I don't know if I"m sure I want to face. Hmm. Now there's a thought.

I'm afraid to write. I'm afraid to take a good hard look, but you know...the fear, the risk...that's when I've heard the greatest reward comes. Ugh! The throat is getting tighter!

Ok, so here's the thing. If I'm supposed to be the great friend, funny, wonderful, bright, cheery, blah blah...person...why do I accept crap. I know I'm worth more. I guess the thing is..I thought I found more. Lol. Funny. "It's ok Christie...Share...Don't be afraid...I know you never share you hold it in....it's ok....you can tell me anything.!!!!" What a fucking fool. It was all in the eyes. My heart needed to trust it...and so my brain followed.

And life goes on.....

Mmmm my coffee...

Ok, so here's what I'm really thinking this morning...

My coffee is good. Finally, a little coffee to enjoy. Something good to relax with while I wait to take the boy to school. Finally all of them will be back at school today.

My girly girls were off...and my boy is watching his tivo'd show while he waits to go to school. Z is kicking in and the coffee is accelerating all of it. What a few days. Yeah and some cinnamon coffee pops in my head. I need it to stop. What a fucking few years.

I got on the scale. What a sweet smaller number. No B&P. I did my yoga. Funny thing is my focus on self isn't even there. All these years the body has been my focus along with all the other selfish stuff...and now after being sick, the bd..and being the perfect damsel...the body once again is falling perfectly into balance. It always does. No throwing up this time. I hold my own power. I'm so mad. Hurt. Mad. Hurt. Mad. Hurt. Mad. No more Bullshit. I choose to walk away.

I always said I wanted to be the "one". The chosen one. Well, you know...I choose me. I say it...i don't quite believe it yet. I'll say it more and it will sink in. I miss my other half, though. That part no one can deny. I just have to move past it.

I'm hoping the writing will be cathartic.....
Xoxo
C

Suprises..

As my heart was breaking and I was having the pity party of all pity party I found a friend and someone to listen in the strangest of places. She listened, she heard me...she wanted to hear me. Thank you.

yoga...

I think I just need a little yoga....a nice glass of shiraz...and a little music.

When daughters become the mothers....

The calls, the complaints, the words come across....

She doesn't want to be here anymore. She feels that badly in her world.

Now what. It breaks my heart.

Curves...

Life has pefected the art of throwing curves when we most need them. It's easy to think it may be when we least need them, but those curves can save our lives. The gutt wrenching, breath taking, tear causing, emotional charged curves that run in the middle of our lives when we don't want or need them...are the same curves that can stop heartache in it's track.

The heart. We all want and need love. Is that our purpose? To find and to love. To love our children, our partners....ourselves. Only by knowing and feeling true unconditional love are we able to spread the compassion and carry on in life as good people.

Lots of pain has led the fingers to those words. It's time for honesty with myself. I know it's not about me....but you know....I need to start somewhere. No more Bullshit! I won't tolerate it!
Even as I type that I'm full of shit. I miss my sl. I miss everything. I don't know how to do this.
xoxo
C

Numb

I've just lost my best friend, or so it feels. I'm numb. Did my world stop? Was I dreaming? Am I that bad? There are no words. I'm just numb. Ugh. I'm sick. My pit is there. My lump is in the throat. I miss my friend already.

Those little stickies are lined up in front of me...

This morning they don't hold the key to my inner thoughts. The stickies have my notes of things to do! The fuzzy brain thoughts way more fun to read on a sane brain. I'm boring for a change. LOL. I don't know if that's a bad thing, actually. For me, it might be a nice little breather. I'm sure It's only for the next hour or so as the coffee hits. I'm feeling a little pmsy, if you get the picture and not quite firing on all cylinders....soooooo the coffee will be hitting here in and i'll be awake.

I love the morning coffee, The yoga, The paper, and the ocean breeze (which i left in san diego, but i digress.) I just love the mornings. I made a birthday cake yesterday for Sammy's bday and my baby turned 4! Wow. His party will be the blow out next weekend. Girls are easy. Princesses and barbies and they're fine. He's got the whole Wiggles/GI Joe mix of Boy thing going. He's all boy, but he loves those Wiggles. My boy...:). Until later....when I actually have some good and juicy to say...bye for now...xoxo C

Toning it down....????

Hmmm now there's a thought. I think I've been toning it down and hiding all the good stuff inside of me my entire life. My fingers seem to know something I don't on the creative good feeling days...:)

Yellow stickies are baaaaaaack....!

Ok. I'm really back. I'm feeling like the fast paced Christie again. I'm feeling good. The fingers seem to know quite a bit this morning. My coffee is awfully good, too and the best part...no more checkbook and money balancing because the hubby is home. LOL. "Christie, I make a shitload of money. Between your mani and pedis, hair and highlights, plus all the other extras that total 25oo a month..lol after the bills...you need to tone it down." The story of our marriage. Ok, but for the record..I have bought two homes while he's been deployed and sold one...and we're not a debt heavy couple. It's just too much pampering me while he's gone I guess and house stuff .... oh well. LOL. I know I know...If this is the worst thing I can complain about I have it pretty good. I'll tone down on the $45 Pedicures! Ok?! LOL. THat's right friends, the fingers are flying. I'll check in later...bye for now.

I'm back....

So he's back and things are back to normal. When I say normal...I mean the good and the normal. I'm anxious...and not sure what to feel right about now. My tummy is in knots and it sucks, but so is life. I have a great one, but it has it's moments. That's an understatement.

My brain has been less fuzzy lately. The bursts seem to come and go, but much less up and downing. So that is a very good good thing. :)
Until next time...
xoxoxo

Queen of procrastination

Touch up paint, washing the sheets, laundry...all these last minutes things. I"ve only had 10 months to have everything put together. I put so much pressure on myself to be this perfect person.

I have discovered that I'm the "smiler." I have made it my job to make everyone happy. I am not going to do it anymore. It doesn't work. It's not my job.

I am excited today, though. :)

You know you're soooo not manic when...

You know you're manic days are subsiding when you don't have endless postings on the Blog. :)

I'm actually getting ready for T to come home from Iraq on Friday. So, I"m getting the house together, giving him back his dresser drawers, and listening to a little Maroon 5 and John Mayer.

I'm in that reflective mood. I'm not sure where my day is going. I love that lyric.."She will be loved...she will be loved." I know I am..but sometimes I just need to feel it wrapped around me, feeling it, touching it...feeling it while sitting on a deck somewhere having a cup of coffee, and feel that part of my soul just open up to let the love flood in. Ok, the thoughts are flooding. I was wrong. The words are here. I just wasn't listening to the thoughts. Love is here.

Manic Manic Moment...

Here's an "embracing my insanity moment." I was at a little play date at my girlfriend's house today, when my cell starts ringing. First it was "She's a Brick.......House...she's mighty mighty.." That got some laughs. Then, it was "Who can it be now.....who can it be now," which was my Mom. Right after that my phone started singing, "California Dreaming on such a winter day." Ok...I was left to explain. I casually told them that when their husband leaves points unknown in the war, and they're up until 2am with the new dose of Z...then we can talk! LOL....I'm owning it the I these days. :)

At least I can laugh....

Stickies or a PDA

I will be the first to admit that my post-it notes are taking on a life on their own. I'm love them. The only thing is I figured out that when I'm out in publice, for example enjoying a latte while the kids are at school, I look a little nutty with all my little notes. So....a PDA came to mind.

I just don't feel the flow of writing with the PDA, let alone the fact that I can't even manage to get the correct date on it. I'm not that inept, either. I am working on my website for my little business, I can use my cell phone and the gadets..but the PDA is a whole other complicated thing. Well...just a thought. I could always be like my husband and multitask with it for our sex life and appointments.

No stickies today!

Wow, can you believe it that the only stickies I made were for the list of things I needed at the store!

What a day. I've been busy, but it's been uneventful. I'm a little less fuzzy today, but not quite burning on all possible brain cells. Ok...I must go watch Desperate Housewives and see what they think our world is like.

PDAs

Do men really keep track of all their sex on their PDAs?

Hmmmm just another thought!

Pinkies for the morning...Yes I switched

I was speaking to my mother this morning and it was after 7am..Wow. We're usually on the same page with our flying or sinking, but she told me I was flying this morning. I'm feeling extra creative. She cracked me up. She went to her doctor and he told her she needed Vicadin. She flatly told him no. To which she asked me, "Do I have a Vicodin face." We were laughing so hard. Yep. I'm flying.

I'm a little nuts this morning, but I'm embracing my insanity.

I'm thinking of switching to pink post its...

Just thought I'd throw that in about the pink post its. :) Yellow is so not me. Ok, so let's see. Today was just a good sane day.The fuzz has cleared and the brain is functioning on all cyllindars.

I have great great friends. We all need a Jane Conwell in our lives. She's so wonderful and she probably doesn't even know how much she has helped me in my life. On the way down...she was there and talking. On the way down....she listened and she helped me. On the way down...she was directing my things to do. All of that and she has a 3 year old and a newborn. One heck of an amazing woman and I'm lucky to call her friend. We need a yoga spa and some wonderful wine.

Tomorrow I'm switching to pink.

The sea of yellow...

Ok, so, the stickies are now in a binder. I bet I could get these together and write the book.
"THE" book of the fuzz. What a crazy ride....

Passion

"By believing passionately in something that still does not exist, we create it. The nonexistent is whatever we have not sufficiently desired." - Franz Kafka

Yellow to the rescue....

My self talk is coming today. I talked to Tom today and the words were flying. Hey may not understand the fuzzy brain stuff, but he finally heard it. He had to keep refocusing the conversation. It was exciting and at the same time I was talking to myself. A dual thing was going. The conversation with him and the conversation with me. I wanted him to see I was feeling better, but at the same time....the Chatty Christie was making him realize how not ok I really was. If I were crying and sad he would understand immediately. It's the quick words, impulsive thoughts...going from the budget to who I'm voting for.

And life goes on.

That talk was so exhausting that I needed to rest. Could one converstion do it to me? I guess so. I was flying and when I was done, I just slept for an hour. I never was the "napper" type, but now with the kids in school I feel the neecd to catch up. I guess the whole 3 hours of sleep last night didn't help. :)

Stickie of the moment...

Pieces of my soul are feeling at ease and tranquil. I almost forgot the feeling of tranquility. My pain is subsiding and it feels really good.

My coffee is good, Sammy is dressed, lunches are made...and I 'm having a great hair day. Yoga is sounding really good today. It's sunny, it's beautiful, and I'm loving me today.

xoxo
C

The brain is working today! Totally not fuzzy!

I'm feeling pink today!
Woooo hooooooo!!!!! I'm normal today. I feel it. I know it. Either that, or the manic side is getting ready to creep up on me. After only 4 hours of sleep, I have woken up feeling better than I have in a week. Princess Kelsey is up figuring out what she "doesn't" like for breakfast. Princess Ava is drawing pictures for her daddy and Sammy is snuggled on the couch. The coffee is dripping and yes I have creamer this morning. No need for milk. Anyone who didn't get the "creamer is way better than milk" comment, must understand something. I love my coffee in the morning and without the creamer...it's just a good thing. :)

So here is to a good rest of the day with the fuzzy part not coming back. Hour to hour....
PS...I bet she calls in 5 minutes. She might be back to following the 7AM rule. No calling Christie before 7!

Yellow Stickies of today....

"Coping isn't healing..." Jane Pauley

Command Central is looking a little yellow today.

Reeses ran away
I forgot to do laundry
Leftover waffles were not wanted...so PB&J s in a Hot Dog Bun.!
Coffee creamer is waaaay better than milk!

Mommy Mommy...remember when I was a dog and peed outside like a dog? Look I'm a dog again. (Thanks Sammy boy)!!!!

You...

You give me love. You give me hope. You encourage me and see the me I wish I could. Your words soothe my soul and give me hope on hopeless days. Where would I be without those eyes seeing into my soul. You have my heart, my soul and the love is a given.

I thought I was lost and you lifted me up. You listened, heard me...and loved me.

Loving always...Kisses Sweet
I can smell the fresh peace out there
You've set my heart free
My soul thanks you
I'll just take it in and hold you always
right there...
I love you...

My Friends...

Friends are the spice of life. I thought I was suffering a breakdown today. After Reeses took off I was done. I was empty, lost, and on the verge of tears. I did get Sammy boy to school and his friends just love him. Once I dropped him off the tears just started to flow. Kristen hugged me and made it ok for me to just let it go. The down was coming...

There was so much there. It was hard to get gas, figure out the shopping, and getting dressed was just not in the cards. Sweats, no makeup, and some sunglasses. If you knew the girly girl that I am, you'd know my point. Here's the thing...life is made up of good friends. That hug just made things ok. The tears were the turning point. Without friends where would we be.

Friendship is a blessing and work. Heidi came into my life and I can't imagine life without her. Lori is my personal angel who nursed me, nourished my soul and indulges my calls about nothing. These women are my friends. My best friends. Without them...I'd be missing out. They give love freely. They are unique.

Heidi is the pain in the ass, wonderful, beautiful, and most loyal friend a girl could ever want. I love her. She accepts me and helps feed my soul. She's my soul sister. How have I gotten this far without her. Lori, saved me when I was broken years ago. She took me in and got me through the days when I couldn't function, waiting for my husband to come home from work. (That damn lithium and melaril just made me lose time in my life.) She saved my life.

Friends. I love my friends and cherish them. It's work...but soooo worth it.
xoxo,
Christie

He's just not that into you....

Where was this guy when I was in college..... "He's just not that into you!" Jeez...I don't think it gets more clear than that!

He's just not that into you!!!!!!!!!

Pass it on....

The dog has earned his new name...

He is officially from now, until the end of time going to be known as "The Damn Dog." The kids were dressed, the coffee was waiting for me, the Excedrin Migraine was just about there, fuzzy brain meds...not even taken yet, and what happens....The Damn Dog takes off. The girls caught the bus. Then Sammy and the Mommy were off on the dog hunt! UGH! I love him...but jeez! Soooooo not what I needed. Just when I thought the fog was lifting....the dog just ran all over my morning. Gotta love him....:)

Southern Bush and Kerry Lovers

First story of the news tonight wasn't about the happenings of the city, not about the children taken from the parents who chained them to beds...oh no...In Nashville it's all about the Bush and Kerry signs!

I had no one to call to talk about the news! It was actually a breaking news story about Bush and Kerry signs missing from yards all around neighborhoods.

Speaking of neighborhood signs that designate conservative or liberal, I had an idea. I was thinking that maybe I should just rile up the neighbors. I should put both a Kerry and Bush sign up. One could say Wife of Deployed Marine above the Kerry sign and Then Marine for Bush. Maybe not, because I'm already known as the woman with the runaway dog and then I'd be labled the So Cal liberal they laways knew I was. Hunny, we're in Bible Belt. It's Bush country..lol!

My friends have no idea what it's like on the west coast. One trip to the beach with the sand in their toes, Rubios fish tacos, and a drive up the coast.....and they would never want to come back. I miss home.

Come on over to my house....No post its today

The brain has been a little fuzzy these days. Not fuzzy in the dull scheme of things, but very all over the place. Hubby is returning from the war and kids are being kids. The dog is doing the greatest job of getting his name changed from Reeses to "The Damn Dog", but that's what I get for that manic moment of a few years ago. My mother called this morning from So Cal and woke me up in TN at 5:55. That's right...3:55 her time. That's what we do in our family. Those of us with the uncooperative brain, we wake up early. She starts talking, or course. After a few minutes of her speedy words banging off my ear she wants to know why I'm not talking. LOL. Well, that's how the day started. Later she calls to tell me how worried she is about me and if I just didn't talk to the hubby for a few days, meaning no email answering, then he'd be butter in my hands. We didn't name her manipulove years ago for nothing. She goes on about how she's so worried I have made her sick. I told her a a nice 2 week vacation is what I need and the hubby can get a first hand look at my world. Yosemite sounds wonderful to me...peaceful. She's not at all thrilled with that. She wants me to go to her house....lol. Chaos heaven baby. Ugh, I told her I needed my own escape and escape was Yosemite. She totally didn't get it and told me it's ok, but that's the wrong place to go. It was ok, because according to my lovely mother...my brain was really working, otherwise I would have never chosen Yosemite. Her brilliant idea was why not the pocconos..LOL! We're Californians! The fucking Pocconos! We were flying together, we do share that and she loves me. Gotta love her. The Pocconos! All of that was before 7AM!

Forgotten Faces of the War

My children are the forgotten faces of the war on terror. They miss him. They don't get it. When he gets home, I know they'll be scared he's going to leave again. Regardless of whether one is pro or anti this war...many of our guys are married with kids. This is the whole aspect that seems to have been forgotten. That's the part that gets me going. It's heartbreaking. SO many thoughts...not too many answers.

Stickies and more stickies..

My yellow stickies seem to be taking on a life of their own. That book I've been wanting to write and never figuring out how to, well...I might be on to something.

Masking my feelings...How is it that I'm told by others how outgoing, perky, chatty and wonderful I am, when I'm feeling exactly opposite of that. It's the cycling baby. That's what my brain is thinking as I listen to the gooshing.

Another day...and more post it notes

The yellow stickies are stacking up. The hubby in Iraq is getting ready to get home and the brain is definatley not wanting to deal with this. I have missed him, the kids have missed him, but what a coincidence that my downward spiral happen before his arrival. Two years have gone by. He's been home for 5 months in between. In two months I have lost it. What is this about. Ugh. Just the thoughts are flowing today and I'm typing with my eyes closed to figure out what my fingers know that I may be hiding. That's right...the fingers know the truth. Hmmmm. Interesting thought....

Note for everything...

What do you want to be when you grow up? I never imagined I'd be a Wife of a USMC Major in Iraq, Mother of three, and Woman who's brain just wouldn't cooperate most of the time. As I sit in "Command Central",surrounded by my books of the moment, my yellow post it notes are there with me. A pen is never to far reach. My diet coke, CNN, phone and cell phone are there to make up the end table. Thoughts race so I read and write to catch up and make sense of my world or my reality. Those yellow note have the thoughts as they flow. What an awesome read when the flow has slowed to a little trickle. A trickle I can handle.